Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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