WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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