well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
