i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
