at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
