I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i've created a new STD.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
