my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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