So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
