I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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