i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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