did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
