apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
