You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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