She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
