I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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