Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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