She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
