operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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