omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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