So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
