hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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