Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize