If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
