Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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