just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
