I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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