hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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