i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm too high and old for this...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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