just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
