She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
