I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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