HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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