Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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