Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
birth control should be required to get into college
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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