Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
