She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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