Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
