Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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