dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
