I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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