so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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