It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
