i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
