2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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