ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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