But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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