so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
