im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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