i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
