Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
