Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
