i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
