Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
