I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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