I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
