Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
