Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The air was thick with penises
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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