A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
