i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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