Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
