i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
