i permit you to call me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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