Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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