official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
