I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
