I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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