from now on my penis is your penis
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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