i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
